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A joke to liven up the mood...

THE PERFECT LATINA WIFE

This Latino couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although he was very much in love, couldn't wait to go into town and party with his old buddies, so he said to his wife: "Preciosa, I'll be right back...."
"Where are you going papi chulo....? asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Mamasita. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife says to him, "You want a beer, mi amor.....?"
Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds
of beer brands from 12 different countries: "Mira papi, Germany, Holland, Japan, India....."
The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is: "Yes mi mujer linda.... but the bar... you know.... the frozen glass...."
He didn't finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, mi precioso....?"
She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale says: "Yes, mi dulce, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious....I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise, OK....?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, carino...?" She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But querida.....at the bar....you know....the swearing....the dirty words and all that...."
"You want dirty words, mi macho hombre.....

HERE, TOMA TU ****ING CERVEZA IN YOUR FROZEN ****ING COPA AND COMETE TUS ****ING SNACKS, PORQUE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!!!!! GOT IT, PENDEJO......?!?!?!?"
 
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A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours straight. She has multiple orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.
"Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money."
The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.
Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."
The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:
"HOOKER: Person who has sex for money."
Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door.
"KOALA BEAR: Eats bush and leaves."
 
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A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
 
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I am a little bored today, just waiting for the Yankees to try and win one. Sorry, I don't want to clutter these forums.
 

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I like the Koala Bear one!! <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LMAO!!
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